I have almost started a new post several times over the last ten days. But after thinking about it for just a few seconds, I decided against it. It was easier not to, it allowed me to live in some form of denial a little bit longer, short though it was.

Ever since Kurtis got back from his tour in Iraq on November 11, 2005, I knew he would be mobilized and deployed again. I knew he wanted to stay in the Guard, and if he stayed in, it would eventually happen again. The plain and simple truth. I also knew at that time he had about five years before it could happen again. So, I put it to the back of my mind and didn't allow myself to dwell on it much for the next few years.

This past summer, though, it started rearing it's ugly head, refusing to be pushed to the dark places in my mind and lie dormant. I knew that it was going to be coming again soon. The time frame that kept popping up whenever I thought about it or Kurtis and I talked about the possibility was sometime next summer or fall. The timing just seemed to make sense. We definitely hadn't heard anything official from the Guard, it's just what we thought would probably happen.

On September 4, 2009, while we were waiting for and expecting a call about the AGR job Kurtis had applied for, Kurtis got a call from his section Chief. They have been given a Roaring Bull alert. Now, it's not orders, it doesn't mean it's a 100% sure thing that they are going, or when, it just means that it's really likely and telling the soldiers to get their affairs in order and prepare for a possible deployment. And while he hasn't received orders yet, I know that he's going. I just feel it, and it makes me sad.

We've been through this before. But we didn't have two little girls then that adore their daddy more than anything in the world. I know it's going to be a completely new and heart-renching experience this time. But I also know that we'll be able to make it through it and will be stronger because of it once we get to the other side. It just seems impossible now, but we'll do it. And knowing that it's coming makes me cherish the time the girls and I have with Kurtis right now so much more. So here is to making each moment we have together a memorable one, to help us through the many, many moments we'll be apart later down the road.

6 years

Friday, August 21, 2009, was our six year wedding anniversary. Since my whole family has been sick the past week and Kurtis and I were feeling particularly miserable that morning, I was up for postponing the actual celebration of said anniversary until we were both feeling better. Kurtis still wanted to take me out, though, so we left the girls with my parents and headed to town. Lydia is going to be seven months old on Wednesday, and this was the first time that I left her for more than 10 or 15 minutes. I actually teared up once we were a couple blocks away, but recovered quickly, determined to enjoy the first free evening Kurtis and I have had together in a long, long time.

Kurtis took me to Outback Steakhouse, and I actually ordered something new, which for me was a miracle in and of itself. Up until this night, I always ordered the same thing at Outback ever since I first ate there some five years ago. Well, the food was absolutely incredible, and it was so much fun to be able to sit and leisurely eat our food while holding hands and talking without having one or two kids jumping back and forth between our laps. We had a great time, and the only thing that could have made it better was if I wasn't sniffing so much and Kurtis didn't sound like a frog when he talked. Well, actually I thought his voice was pretty cute, so I wouldn't change that.

After dinner, despite being overly full already, we went to Coldstone for ice cream just because we didn't have the girls and we could. Then we headed back to Wendell, stopping on the way to rent a movie. We picked up Lydia who had done really well and was able to drink the pumped milk I left out of a cup. She absolutely refuses bottles. Emmy stayed for a sleepover at my parents, and once I got Lydia asleep, Kurtis and I cuddled on the couch and got to watch an entire movie without one interruption. Pure heaven. Emmy has an uncanny knack at knowing if the rest of the house is up and doing something, and therefore wakes up every half hour to forty-five minutes if we stay up to watch a movie. Because of that, I haven't watched a movie from beginning to end without interruption for two and a half years. Longer since the last couple months before she was born I couldn't go that long without a potty-break. I repeat: Friday night was pure heaven.

Thank you Kurtis for choosing me to be your eternal companion. I love you so much and my love and appreciation for you grows every day! I'm so happy to be the one that accompanies you on this journey. You are my hero. Mahigugma ako kanimo akong pogi nga asawa.


I'm on Kurtis' laptop and this is the only photo I can find with just the two of us. Sorry my eyes are closed. We had been married nine months and this was about two weeks before Kurtis deployed.

Sisters playing together...



becoming lifelong friends.




This makes me smile.

Back in July...

While Kurtis was gone to Annual Training(AT), the girls and I went with my parents and sister Donna to a cabin in Garden Valley for Donna's 30th birthday. On Donna's birthday we had spaghetti for dinner, which is her absolute favorite, and then Mom and Dad took Donna and Emmy to Starlight Mountain Theatre to see Annie Get Your Gun. I stayed at the cabin with Lydia and we enjoyed a quiet evening to ourselves, which was great.

We took the scenic route back home through Stanley Basin and stopped at Redfish Lake for a picnic. Donna wasn't too thrilled with how hot and windy it was so she refused to stay at the table with us and ended up eating her lunch in the van.





It was a fun weekend and we really wished Kurtis could have been there to share the memories with us. He was busy having a productive AT, though. Most of the guys in his section were newbies and he got to train them and lead his section to get Top POC for AT 2009. So proud of you, Kurtis!

Summer coming to a close

So much has happened since I wrote last that I'm not even going to try to write about all of it. Lydia is now 6.5 months old and can sit up, Army crawl, has her two bottom teeth, and says "dada" and, just recently, "mama". She's growing crazy fast.


Kurtis had Annual Training for three weeks this year. The girls and I got to go over to Rexburg and stay with Kurtis his last night there and then go to the family picnic. It was good to meet some of the guys from Kurtis' new unit. We accidently left our stroller at the picnic, but thankfully someone recognized it as ours and called us so we could go back and get it. :)

The big news is that while Kurtis was at AT, he decided that he wants to do the Guard full-time. It's something he's been thinking of for a while, and he's decided it's time to go for it. So he has spent the last week getting his packet together to apply for an AGR job opening in Pocatello that he heard about while at AT. He's mailing it in tomorrow. It's going to be hard to move away from all of my family, really, really hard, but I'm actually pretty excited about this change and think it's going to be a great thing for our family. I'm hoping and praying that he get's this job in Pocatello so we'll be close to Kelsey, Chris and Xander for a while. If not, we could end up anywhere in the state depending on what opens up next. It kinda freaks me out not knowing where we may end up right now. I hope we hear back on this job really soon. I'll let you know what we find out!

My SGT Hill with sweet Emmy.

EMMY: I miss Daddy.

ME: I know, sweetheart.

EMMY: You miss Kurtis, Mama.

ME: (smiling) Yes, yes I do, Emmy.


Emmy has realized that Daddy has more names than just "daddy". She knows that I call him Kurtis, and that he is sometimes SGT Hill or Brother Hill. But I'm still always Mama. Sometimes I'm Mama Jane Hill...but never Rhonda. :)

Long trip

Thursday morning I got up early (okay 7:30 isn't really that early but it seems like it when you go to bed at 3:30) got the kiddos dressed and in the car and left Wendell at 8:15am. Finally, almost fourteen (yes, you read that right, 14) hours later, we arrived in Post Falls. There was several times during the drive that I thought I was crazy for doing this with a two year-old and a four month-old all by myself (Kurtis is still gone at training), but we're here now and it's so totally worth it.

Emmy is thrilled to finally be at Grandma Jan's house. It's Post Falls' Day so we went to the parade this morning and Emmy thought it was great that she got to see fire trucks, police cars, and horses and get candy on top of it. Post Falls is beautiful and there is a lot to do so we're going to keep busy the next few days. I'm missing Kurtis a lot, and it makes it even harder now that Emmy is asking for him to come home every day. I tell her that he's off being a soldier and then she says we need to go find him. I'm so glad he's only gone for one more week. This week he's going to be out in the field, though, so we won't get to talk to him at all on the phone. He has been calling for about three minutes each night to say goodnight to me and the girls and it's been great to hear his voice so a whole week with no contact at all is going to be rough.