I have almost started a new post several times over the last ten days. But after thinking about it for just a few seconds, I decided against it. It was easier not to, it allowed me to live in some form of denial a little bit longer, short though it was.

Ever since Kurtis got back from his tour in Iraq on November 11, 2005, I knew he would be mobilized and deployed again. I knew he wanted to stay in the Guard, and if he stayed in, it would eventually happen again. The plain and simple truth. I also knew at that time he had about five years before it could happen again. So, I put it to the back of my mind and didn't allow myself to dwell on it much for the next few years.

This past summer, though, it started rearing it's ugly head, refusing to be pushed to the dark places in my mind and lie dormant. I knew that it was going to be coming again soon. The time frame that kept popping up whenever I thought about it or Kurtis and I talked about the possibility was sometime next summer or fall. The timing just seemed to make sense. We definitely hadn't heard anything official from the Guard, it's just what we thought would probably happen.

On September 4, 2009, while we were waiting for and expecting a call about the AGR job Kurtis had applied for, Kurtis got a call from his section Chief. They have been given a Roaring Bull alert. Now, it's not orders, it doesn't mean it's a 100% sure thing that they are going, or when, it just means that it's really likely and telling the soldiers to get their affairs in order and prepare for a possible deployment. And while he hasn't received orders yet, I know that he's going. I just feel it, and it makes me sad.

We've been through this before. But we didn't have two little girls then that adore their daddy more than anything in the world. I know it's going to be a completely new and heart-renching experience this time. But I also know that we'll be able to make it through it and will be stronger because of it once we get to the other side. It just seems impossible now, but we'll do it. And knowing that it's coming makes me cherish the time the girls and I have with Kurtis right now so much more. So here is to making each moment we have together a memorable one, to help us through the many, many moments we'll be apart later down the road.